Tomah VA Medical Center

Dave Gaunky taking care of Veterans at the Outpatient Pharmacy.

Dave Gaunky remembers every detail.  It’s just not something you forget.

“I came home for lunch on November 17,” he said.  “The light on my caller ID was blinking.  I saw it was from the DoD.”

Before he could return the call, the phone rang again.  On the line was a sergeant from his son’s unit in Iraq.  Alex Gaunky, 19, was serving with the 3rd Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division and had been critically injured in a suicide bomb attack.  The sergeant read the situation report over the phone verbatim.

“It was down day for my son,” said Dave.  “He was eating breakfast when a call came in over the radio that other members of his unit were pinned down near a gas station.  My son and other team members put together a quick reaction force and headed out.”

Outside of the “wire” their vehicle was ambushed.  All five soldiers were critically wounded and were evacuated to Landstuhl, Germany.  Later that night, Dave received another phone call, this time from the field surgeon in Iraq.

“I said give me your best prognosis,” remembered Dave, “and I’ll never forget the answer.  The surgeon said you better get to Germany as soon as possible.”

After working with the Red Cross arranging for travel and a passport, Dave attempted to settle down to get some rest.  Around 3 a.m., on the morning of the 18th of November, he received the phone call…his son had passed away during the flight to Germany.

“I was just kind of numb.”

Four Sons, All Combat Veterans

Two days after 9/11, two other Gaunky boys, twins Don and Bob, graduated from basic training.  One from the Navy, the other from the Army.  The eldest son Adam was already serving in the Navy.  When the Iraq war started in 2003, all three sons were serving in combat overseas. 

“I remember when I served in the 70’s,” said Dave.  “I was a medic and didn’t say much to my family about it.  I guess I don’t know what they really thought about my service.  But then when my sons were at war, I found myself standing in my father’s shoes and not liking it too much.”

After their first tour of duty, all three Gaunky boys returned home safely.  But the war lingered on. 

“Then came 2005,” said Dave.  “My youngest son Alex had enlisted, Bob had gotten out of the Navy by then, but now Adam, Don and Alex were in combat in Iraq.  And I don’t know why, but this time it was different.”

A Brother’s Escort Home

After the news of his Alex’s death, Don Gaunky, one the twins, was flown by the Army to Germany from Iraq.  There he met with some of the nurses and learned that another team member had died along with his brother in the attack.  Don then volunteered to escort his little brother home.

“It was tough on him,” said Dave.  “He’s got survivor’s guilt.  No doubt about it.  I haven’t found any other instance where a brother escorted his own brother home in a casket.”

The anguish of losing his youngest son to war was amplified by the timing.  Alex Gaunky’s body arrived home on Thanksgiving Day.

“It was a horrible time,” said Dave.  “I needed to bury my son.  I just found out that I was losing my job at UW-La Crosse and I still had two more sons in Iraq.”

After escorting his little brother home and attending the funeral, brother Don boarded a plane and returned to his job as an Intelligence Analyst for the 18th Airborne Corps while Dave, now alone again at home, spent Christmas taking care of his youngest son’s will.

“Before he left,” said Dave, “Alex made me the Executor of his will.  He could have been buried at Arlington, but that’s not what he wanted.  He’s buried in a small cemetery outside of Sparta.”

Learning to Live with the Pain

Trying to fill the void of the loss of a child is never ending.  Every parent carries a unique space for each child in their hearts.  Sometimes Dave would be sad for no reason, but he knew why.  There were sleepless nights.  Other times the days just simply got tough.  Finally, after taking the summer off in 2006, he found another job as a Pharmacy Technician at the Tomah VA Medical Center.  He started putting things back together—one day at a time, one step at a time.

“You never get used to it,” said Dave, “you just get through it.  I helped deliver my son Alex.  I still remember looking down at his face for the first time.  You never think that you’ll be looking down one day at his gravestone.  It’s just not the natural order of things.”

To help him manage his grief, Dave joined an organization called Being There, Reaching Out and became a Certified Peer Mentor in an effort to help other families trying to cope with the loss of a child in war.

“We get together every year for Freedom Fest in La Crosse,” said Dave.  “Don Weber sends us tickets.  We laugh, we cry.  It’s the nicest group of folks, you never want to meet.”

Holding Up Tremendous Weight

It’s been almost six years since his youngest son was killed in action.  Alex Gaunky would have turned 26 years old on August 13.  Dave sometimes feels like he’s carrying the weight of the world, yet there is no one to give it to. 

“It’s hard around this time of year,” said Dave, “both on his birthday and Thanksgiving.”

But Dave takes comfort in the fact that his other sons are starting to get the help they need from the VA after their tours of combat.   Life just gets reset, says Dave, and everyday your arms get a little stronger. 

His Son’s Death Gave Life

Ever vigilant, Dave Gaunky can be found in the Outpatient Pharmacy with his arms crossed wearing a hat emblazoned with the slogan, “All Gave Some and Some Gave All.”  It’s almost as if he is standing a post in honor of his sons… maybe in an attempt to lighten their load from the burden of war.  The US Army Veteran and father of four combat Veterans would have it no other way.

“I can empathize with every Veteran on the other side of the counter,” says Dave.  “I sometimes see my sons or even myself.”

Knowing that in some small way he is helping other Veterans, Dave is also helping himself.  When they see his hat or his 101st Airborne coffee mug, “they know I’m one of them.”  Reflecting back on the past few years and the loss of his son, Alex, Dave finds peace with a life-giving decision he made over the phone to harvest his youngest son’s heart, liver and kidneys so that another might live.

“In the end,” said Dave, “My son went out to save lives on November 17th…and that’s exactly what he did.”

(Editor’s note:  Dave Gaunky recently became a grandfather for the first time.  His eldest son Adam and daughter-in-law Alicia had a baby girl.  They named her Alexia Jo.)